CBB 11/1/26
Feeling that faint almost-but-not-quite-vibration in my sternum and core in the last half hour…..like the feel of a railroad rail long before the train arrives, as the impact of metal on metal and the sound waves travel miles ahead and give early warning of caution.
I have no sense of imminent danger or fear or any physical discomfort… Just awareness of a change in my breathing that makes me stop and take a few intentionally deep and measured breaths….
As I consider my meandering thoughts this morning before I recognized the presence of this feeling, I suddenly realized the source that gave rise to the
“dis-ease” in my spirit and arose in my soul and spread to my body to the level of physical caution.
I will not sit any longer and let it swirl. Out the door and on about my day…….
A friend asked, “has there been a change in the weather?”
Yes, comfortably so…. Cooler temps, leaves turning (which delights me!) but I think, too, knowledge that cold nights and dreary days will eventually set in. In the meantime recent days have been beautiful!
This is the result of some unguarded thoughts that are rooted in some deep pains. The devil would have me avoid them, shove them aside or let them lay hidden and undisturbed. Some would call the resulting tension “anxiety”, but I know that God is tilling soil in this season, as He does often, exposing roots and stones in preparation for further healing. Learning to discern and trust the difference between the devil’s deceitful interference and the Lord’s patient intention to cultivate the soul toward fruitful righteousness has taken me years to fully grasp. And when 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Be ye sanctified wholly…. spirit, soul, and body…. He is not inviting me to know, understand and cooperate. He is proclaiming His hand at work over me and, through it, consecrating me for His purpose. I ceased to demand a say or exercise my right to object years ago. It still doesn’t make it easier in a tilling season. But, oh, the joys of the harvest!
I know a field, one the LORD showed me 29 years ago and over which He spoke, saying, “This is you!” I have explored the biblical images and principles through the years as I have watched that field change through many seasons… it is presently fallow (after what my brother has described as an extraordinarily abundant harvest season for corn, which is what was planted most recently this season in my field!) It now has a ragged, unkempt but green appearance, with randomly scattered green straggly volunteer corn stalks making a brave stand without a farmer’s care. They and the weeds and grasses are doing what they do in the fallow time, restoring nutrients to the soil for future seasons of cultivation.
Maybe I, too, am entering a fallow season for restoration and rest……It is not without work. It is just that the work is for a future harvest, subterranean, hidden, taking in the sun, the rain, the passive autopilot days of comfortable, quiet rhythm, without the pressure of immediate results…. But to simply point to the Creator’s glory in each day’s lighter labor and under His direction.