The graveside service for my Aunt Betty Bryant in Tallahassee today was well attended by family and friends. from Alabama, Georgia, and the North Florida area. The skies were blue and the sun was warm, with a gentle breeze. A canopy of old oaks hung over the site of her family’s burial plot. Those in attendance and other friends from her home in Ackworth, Ga had written cards of farewell or fond memories that were tied together with a ribbon and placed on the table beside the urn that held her ashes. I was privileged to conduct the service. Through prayer and times of reflecting on my memories of her, the Lord had led me to a particular approach to the eulogy. As her two sons and I talked privately before the service I shared with them what I had felt led to share. Both of them affirmed that the thoughts I had prepared were precisely what was on their hearts and had been shared with them by others. Isn’t it wonderful when the Holy Spirit moves among his people to bring them to the same understanding? There was a sweet Presence with us. Aunt Betty’s daughter- in -law and I gathered some of the flowers that had been sent….roses to be pressed or dried in a rose petal bowl. Afterward, many of us went to lunch together at a nearby buffet restaurant. As we talked and shared around the tables, there were more memories, laughter, and tears. We all left feeling Aunt Betty would have enjoyed the day. But we were all grateful to know that she was enjoying the day with Jesus, her son Steve, husbands Don Robbins and Gene Bryant, parents Ludie Bell and Howard Green and many cousins, other family and friends who no doubt would have been on hand to welcome her to her new forever home. Aunt Betty will always hold a fond place in my heart.
My Aunt Betty had been the custodian of the Green family bible. It had been purchased in 1970 by my grandmother, Ludie Bell Green. The receipt for its purchase was still in the front cover. I did not remember until I saw it today, but I , as a 16- year-old, had helped Mother Green put the family names and dates in the pages for births, deaths, marriages, etc. My handwriting was on the first few lines of each page. Through the years other entries had been added. Many obituaries and snippets of paper with notes on them had been tucked inside it. It was clear it had not been updated probably since before Mother Green’s death. That will be a project in the days ahead. Aunt Betty and I had talked by phone a while back and she had said, out of the blue, “Remind me the next time you’re up here that I want to give you Mother Green’s family Bible.” Did she have a premonition or simply realize it was time to begin passing on family treasures? When I got the message about her death, I shared that conversation with the one who called, but said I would be happy for her boys to make that decision however they chose. Today I received it with a sense of the passing of a legacy of faith and family from one generation to another, It is not my Bible. I will simply be its custodian for hopefully another decade or two. From my hands to someone else’s someday….the history of a family will be passed from hand to hand.
Graveside Service for Betty Green Robbins Bryant 2/20/16
Scripture and words of comfort–
We are here today because of someone we love….Betty Bryant……and whose presence with us will be greatly missed. But we are also here because Betty loved us. There is a Scripture exercise that I was taught to use to examine the nature of love in our own lives against the standard of love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13. Substituting the word “love” with the name of a person, it goes like this:
“Love (exemplified in Betty’s life) endured with patience and serenity, Betty’s love was kind and thoughtful, and not jealous or envious; Betty’s love did not brag and was not proud or arrogant. Her love was not rude or self-seeking, Betty was not overly sensitive or easily angered; Betty did not remember wrongs endured. Betty’s love did not rejoice at injustice, but rejoiced in truth. Betty endured all things that came to her life. She still believed and looked for the best in others. Her hope remained steadfast during difficult times and she endured them without weakening.”
This Scripture is about the superiority of love over all other spiritual gifts and graces. Love, it says, never fails. This letter to the church in Corinth continues this way: For now we see in a mirror dimly but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known by God. And now there remain: faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Today Betty is clearly seeing life at its most real. She is enjoying time with loved ones who were removed from her presence in years past. She is knowing and loving the Lord face to face.
King David’s son, Solomon, is said to have been the wisest person to have ever lived. In his book of wisdom, in Ecclesiastes 7:1, Solomon observed that “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death better than the day of birth.” Because of the nature of her love, Betty enjoyed a good name among those who knew her. And today is a day of celebration for the completion of her journey here in the earth, where the presence of sin in the world has marred the peace and joy that God intended at creation with trials and tribulations. Betty has known freedom in this life from the penalty and power of sin through salvation in Jesus Christ. But today she knows freedom from the very presence of sin that brings trials and tribulations to our earthy existence, because she is in the place where perfect faith, hope, love, peace, and joy dwell forever.
Let us pray: Lord ,we thank you for loving us, for providing the example of how to love one another through the life and ministry of Jesus, and for the love that brings us to this hour that is a testimony to the love of Betty for us and our love for her. Amen
Words of Remembrance–
There are some people who have just always been such a present part of one’s life that we find it hard to imagine such people not being with us anymore……..until they are no longer there. Grandparents, parents, and siblings are such people. For some of us, we are blessed to enjoy the presence in our lives of even more extended family…… aunts, uncles, and cousins. We get accustomed to thinking of our families in terms of several generations……present and active in our lives for most of our lives. As one generation gives way to another and new generations are born, the time spent together may grow less and the distance between us may be more, but the sense of family connection is still there.
Last summer I visited with Aunt Betty, spending the night at her home during a ministry trip to north Georgia. We had a good visit…..talking, laughing, remembering, and sharing. When I awoke I found she had set a lovely table for the two of us and prepared breakfast. We lingered over coffee and continued our conversation. I had the sense as I pulled away from her driveway that I might not see her again this side of eternity. That awareness made our time together all the more precious. I left filled.
I prepared my comments for today based on some of my own fondest memories of my Aunt. But as I read and listened to some of the comments of family, friends, and neighbors, I discovered that my experience of her and my perception of her was very similar to the experiences of others who knew her in other places, in other roles, at various times. The consistency of the words used to describe her affirms the solid sense of herself, that she was comfortable with who she was and was the same with everyone. She was gracious and welcoming always. She wanted to hear about each guest’s life and their family. She was a good listener. Through the years I observed that people tended to gather at her home. She made others feel important and comfortable. In spiritual terms, she would be called one with the gift of hospitality, characterized not only by welcoming others into one’s home, but also by welcoming others into one’s heart.
My memories of hospitality in her home go back to my early childhood, when my family would visit her family in Montgomery or in gatherings in Clayton…..in a trailer park on South Boulevard, later in the home they had in Spring Valley, then in Dothan, and later, here in Tallahassee and then in Georgia. She was often present at key points in my life……as she was in yours, because we shared family. Holidays, times with grandparents, reunions, funerals, births, marriages, and more. She gave me a pair of lovely amethyst birthstone earrings after I got my ears pierced as a preteen. I recently passed them along to one of my granddaughters, sharing with her where they had come from and why they were special to me. She was present when I shopped for the dress I was married in. She knew where to find things one sought. She loaned me things I needed. And she listened to my woes. Her empathy and encouragement could be counted on. I have no doubt she did the same kind of helpful things for others. As a matter of fact, one neighbor shared that when he was preparing to move in she allowed him, a total stranger, to use electricity from her home to run his power tools during preparation for moving in. He remembered her kind generosity and became a good neighbor to her, reciprocating her kindness with acts of neighborliness to her. Betty understood the concept of loving one’s “neighbor” in the same way that Jesus did when he told the story of the Good Samaritan when the Pharisee asked “Who is my neighbor?” You do what needs to be done in the moment to ease one’s suffering, to provide assistance, to show concern, and to sacrificially give of yourself and your resources for the sake of others, regardless of their status or relationship to you. That is being a neighbor. Along with her spiritual gift of hospitality, add those the gifts of helping, mercy, and encouragement.
When Bill and I moved to Montgomery with a newborn after college, she was on hand to encourage me through the first few years of marriage and mothering. She gave generously of her time babysitting. She would celebrate our own and our children’s joys and cry with us over our hurts as if we were her own children and grandchildren. She embraced others, too, ….not even blood kin…..with similar openness and affection. Family was defined by the quality of relationships, not simply by biological kinship. And through the years we had times when we were present to do the same with her….sharing in joys and crying in hurts. She suffered losses that broke her (and our) hearts…..the death of a son, loss to death of two husbands, children’s and grandchildren’s growing up and away and the normal ups and downs of life, caring for Mother Green in her decline, and her own health challenges in recent years. But through it all I never heard any self-pity or anger at God. She, like her own mother, seemed to face the difficulties of life with a measure of grace, something that could have only come through knowledge of God’s love, presence, and comfort. Along with the other gifts she possessed, add faith. She would want us to have that same steadfastness of faith……in joy and in sorrow, trusting that God is good and sovereign over all things and desires to be present with and love each of us in a personal relationship.
I hope that each of you know the Lord that way. I am confident that the Aunt Betty whom I love did. She and I would want each of you to be with us in the eternal home in heaven when time here is complete. She was loyal to friends, lovingly supportive to family, and helpful to neighbors. Mother, Grandmother, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor…….whatever relationship with Betty Bryant you shared, whatever name you called her…….her absence leaves a void in our hearts that will never be filled the way she filled it….It can only be offered to God to be filled with his loving comfort and enfolded in his sheltering arms.
Are there others who wish to affirm the gift that Betty Bryant’s life and love was to you?
Betty grew up attending a church where the old standard hymns were sung. Mark has told me that she loved the hymn Amazing Grace. Join me, if you like, as we sing the three verses of Amazing Grace on the song sheet you have.
Join me as I pray.
Lord, we thank you for the life of Betty Bryant. For all that she has meant to family and friends. For all she has given of herself to us and others. May we honor her by being more intentional about our lives in the present moment, aware that death for any of us may be but a breath away. And yet trusting you entirely for each breath, each moment, knowing that you are indeed ever present, all knowing, good and always loving each of us. Help us to remember and celebrate the spiritual and natural gifts and graces Betty possessed and let us seek out the gifts that are within us, to give them to others, too. Comfort us in our grief and bless us as we seek to live lives consistent with the example she set for us. And strengthen our faith as we remember the prayer you taught us to pray as we pray now in unison:
Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom,
And the power, and the glory, Forever and ever. Amen.
May our hearts rejoice in having known Betty’s presence in this life and in knowing that she is with our Lord today, aware of our love and looking forward to us joining her there with Him! Go in the love, comfort, and peace of Christ.