Wisdom from Dr. Henry Cloud:
“Denying our sinfulness is natural. Who wants to claim something that makes us uncomfortable? It’s not easy to own.
But what about negative feelings that are not sinful — the ones that result merely from living in a less-than-perfect world or from getting sinned against? What is one to do with pain, grief, anger, sadness or fear that results from a past of abuse?
Some in the church say that to still suffer from these things indicates unreported sin. The sufferer is condemned for feeling pain.
When we feel hurt and anger over what happens to us, we need to respond to our pain correctly. The Bible tells us about the importance of dealing appropriately with sadness. It talks about how to deal with anger. It explains how suffering refines us. (See Romans, Ecclesiastes and Hebrews.) But nowhere does the Bible say that pain that results from an act against you is sin.
Nowhere.
And nowhere does scripture tell us to confront the wounded. It tells us instead to love them. Admonition, we are told, should be reserved for those who are unruly or rebellious. Too often the church confronts hurting people about their pain instead of treating them with kindness and compassion. Because of this false message, the wounded person forsakes God and the church.”
My own experience: After I experienced a deeper life commitment to Christ at age 38, I was taken into a small group with some spiritually more mature women in my home church in Alabama. After a couple of visits I shared some feelings about a family member that, in hindsight were simply complaints about not getting my way. One of those women confronted me, “You need to repent of that spirit of rebellion…” I was taken aback briefly by her words. I knew she loved me and I had entered into an accountable relationship with these women. I received her correction with humility and gratitude to God for putting her in my life. It was one of the kindest things she ever did for me, making me look at myself instead of focusing on others in my life….. sometimes a dose of truth is more helpful than an empathetic ear. But one has to know she is loved and accepted in supportive community to receive correction that stings. There has to be truth and kindness. Admonishing in love……. I have known such love… from God and sisters and brothers in Christ. Therein lies the difference between admonishing and judging….. understanding and love.