Listen to the tone. Consider the context. Don’t be surprised by the little jabs that sometimes come. Be aware of small hints that reveal truths anout feelings that have been buried deep.
i visited my Mother last Friday. She will be 90 in December. Our relationship has often been strained. We are very different. She has often told me I am like my maternal grandmother… my size and shape, my hair color and texture, and more. Last week she said, “You have your Granny Boyd’s hands…”. She went on to comment on the bent fingers and the arthritis- enlarged knuckles. Yet another way I am “like your Granny Boyd”. Her comments have never been spoken in a loving, complimentary way meant to make me proud or happy . Rather, they have seemed to point out things almost as making an excuse for something about me that was “less than” herself.
I loved Granny Boyd, admired her even. She was a practical, no-nonsense, matter – of – fact kind of person, it seemed to me. She was pleasant, content alone, but happy for company, too.! She was hard-working, and thrifty. She was a good woman. Tears come to mind when I think of her. I wish I had had more time to know her as an adult.
through the years I have come to have the impression that my Mother was not particularly fond of my Granny…..that somehow my Granny made my Mother feel “less than”
As a result, she seems to have made a point of putting me in my place over the years, making me feel “less than” on many occasions. Reminding people of someone they don’t seem to have particularly liked makes being around them difficult. But it also makes loving them easier when you finally understand it. CBB 9/11/26