There was a news story a few years ago about a father who had exercised public “shaming” of his daughter who had habitually stolen from and lied to her parents and others. The teen was forced to wear a sign in a public area. Her father videoed it and posted it on Facebook. The discussion on television was about whether this was appropriate. What is the impact on the one who is shamed? Is it abuse or is it an acceptable “natural consequences” of bad behavior?
I have dealt recently with a pattern of lying with some adults. Getting caught and “called out” in community can lead to repentance and learning, especially if one is concerned about how she is perceived in relationship to God and to others in the community. It actually has had a positive impact in the group with which I have worked. If one is not committed to the relationships in the community, is willing to abandon the community or be forced out, then such consequences may well be the motivation to do so. It can also be used to instruct the shamed person on how to grow from such humiliation and consequences of bad behavior, accepting personal responsibility for the consequences of her actions and learning why it is important to change. However, one has to be able to be restored to community, chastened, but embraced in love.
When we feel shame in our spirit because of our sin, it should lead us to godly sorrow, repentance, confession, and restoration to God and others. That is the convicting presence of the Holy Spirit within us. When we feel shame as humiliation that wants to hide the sin, run away, cover up, lie or blame others we are not acting out of the influence of the Holy Spirit, but out of the influence of the Prince of Darkness, the Accuser of Humanity, the Father of Lies. So when you feel shame, is it restorative or toxic?
2 Corinthians 7:10-12 NASB “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter. 12 So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the offender nor for the sake of the one offended, but that your earnestness on our behalf might be made known to you in the sight of God.”