Living out loud…..that’s what I feel like I’m doing at times. Everyday I have a lot of explaining that I do…..Scripture, biblical principles, cultural deceptions, and why we do what we do in the ministry. I answer lots of questions everyday…..from students, from volunteers, from donors, and more. Being transparent and answering questions is important. Most of the time when the information provided is sufficient, misunderstanding is reduced. But sometimes I don’t know what it is that students or volunteers don’t know and may need to know. So sometimes I ask questions. Do you understand? Did you get what you need? Does this make sense to you? How is this confirmed by your experience? What else do you need from me?
Bill also asks me lots of questions….where are you on this or that project? Can you send me information on such and such? When will so and so be ready? What are you doing with this or that? Where can I find……(whatever)?
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the questions and sometimes I simply don’t have the answers. When I get to such a place, feeling overwhelmed,……I have to step away, spend time alone with God, rethink the priority as I see it at the moment, benchmark against a close prayer partner friend who helps me think things through, and let some things wait until I have more information, more help, or more guidance.
Yesterday I was ticking off a mental checklist to myself out loud of things that needed to be added to this week’s “to do” list. I was driving at the time and couldn’t write it down, so I hoped saying it out loud and hearing it with my ears would help me remember it. Someone was with me who was helping with a project. He asked me what I was doing. I laughed and told him I was talking to myself. “Living out loud”, that sounds better, somehow. Not so obsessive-compulsive or “crazy”. But the fact of the matter is, sometimes I just feel crazy from all the questions that come at me.
But then, I am comforted when I think even Paul may have felt that way at times, too” “If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.” 2 Corinthians 5:13. I do not have all the answers. And sometimes I don’t even completely understand the questions, but I continue to try to address the things that come up day by day. If I have failed to provide anyone with the answers they need related to Titus 2 and the things we do, please feel free to ask me. Call or email or catch me in the hall at church. I may not have the answer at the moment, but I’ll try to get it. And when all else fails, sometimes I just have to rely on Deuteronomy 29:29 “There are secrets the Lord your God has not revealed to us, but these words that he has revealed are for us and our children to obey forever.” I thank Pastor Doug Pennington for teaching me that one! I pray for patience…..with the questions and with myself and others to whom I look for answers as we try to get them!
