Patterns in Relationships: Toward Interdependence

Patterns in Relationships

A simple way to visualize relational patterns, leading to understanding the pattern that Christ intends through participation in spiritually intimate and accountable community within the Church

Cathy Byrd, MS CRSS

HEALTHY PARENT-CHILD DEPENDENCE:

One or two mature and differentiated adults provide stability for a child until the child matures into the ability to differentiate and stand on his own.

DEPENDENCE  (or CO-DEPENDENCE):

One or both parties lean upon the other, usually in a way and to an extent that the

supportive person is not intended by God or able to sustain over time.  Eventually, all relationships are capable of and likely will disappoint us or leave us feeling alone or actually alone due to miscommunication, insecurity, conflict, abandonment, infidelity, death, etc.

INDEPENDENCE:

For any one or more of many reasons, one may pull away in relationships- due to hurts from her past, disappointments, unable or unwilling to trust others, impatience or avoidance of others’ neediness, selfishness, lack of emotional attachments, punishing others through withdrawal, wish to avoid discovery of secrets/behaviors, etc.  

 

INTERDEPENDENCE;

With this pattern, individuals are vertically aligned with God, firm in their personal sense of identity, and willing to engage with others in close enough proximity to be mutually available, transparent, and accountable.    

Application of Pressures of Life to Structure of Each Pattern:

 

Result of Application of Pressures of Life to Structure of Each Pattern

Unstable relational patterns of dependence or independence are at risk of collapsing like a house of cards under pressure.  But an interdependent pattern, especially in settings of multiple healthy, satisfying relationships, are more likely to lead to resilience and stability, even under pressure.

DEPENDENCE- Risk of collapse

INDEPENDENCE- Risk of Collapse

INTERDEPENDENCE- Maintains Structure and Strength

INTERDEPENDENCE

This pattern is consistent with God’s plan for humanity, as revealed in the Bible and in observing history and social structures in all cultures.  From the clans and families illuminated in the Old Testament to New Testament groups of disciples who followed Jesus, marriage vows, and the formation of the church in Acts, we see that God’s will is for us to live in close, supportive, mutually accountable and loving community………. and with God as the first love and relationship for each one!

Psalm 68:6  “God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Psalm 107:41 “But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their families like flocks.”

Mark 10:9  “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Acts 1:14 “They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.”

Acts 2:44, 46  “All the believers were together and had everything in common……Every day they continued to meet together in the temple      courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.”

Philippians 1:27  “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel.”

Philippians 3:17 “Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.”

        ……..and many, many more “togethers” !