Some things can only be said from outside the system. Several trusted advisors (some of them pastors) have offered me comfort and encouragement for having been discontinued from provisional deacon status by The AWFUMC by observing that I am too…..”whatever”……..(one thing or another- honest, outspoken, non-conformist, Christian, etc.) to associate with the self-righteous who make such judgments to protect what they perceive to be the reputation and unity of the club of the ordained. Understand making these judgements about who is worthy lies entirely in the hands of a dozen or so charged with the examination of candidates. The larger Board, I am told by insiders, generally simply gives its endorsement to the recommendation of a candidate’s interview committee. Then they submit it to the Conference Clergy Session which generally simply gives its consent to the Board’s endorsement of the interview committee’s recommendation. Last year when I appealed and won the right to come before the full Conference Clergy Session to challenge the interview committee’s discontinuation of my status. It was, I was told, the first time in the history of the Conference that a provisional clergy person had won an appeal before the Conference Clergy Session. It appears that I had support among pastors I have worked with in my district, in Emmaus communities, and elsewhere. My local community, my own church, and those whom I serve and work alongside seemed to have supported my pursuit of ordination for all of the last nine years, but a dozen or so individuals reserve to themselves the right to veto what others have affirmed as God’s call to ministry for individuals. When personalities clash, when communication gets crossways, or when someone takes it upon one’s self to judge someone unworthy for ministry, that’s the end. And know that a number of good clergy candidates have been eliminated not because they weren’t called or weren’t capable. They were eliminated because there are insufficient church position appointments to accommodate all who want to serve in a system in which ordained clergy are guaranteed appointments for their entire career. If they let too many in, someone might not get the plum appointment that they need to feather their retirement pension funding. I represented no threat to any elder’s appointment or even other deacons’ appointments. I was not pursuing elder orders. No one had to guarantee me an appointment or pay my salary or provide me with healthcare or pension benefits.. But because deacons can serve in associate pastor roles (though not senior pastor roles) some feel that an ordained deacon potentially reduces the number of slots available for ordained elders to fill in an era in which fewer and fewer churches, especially the small rural churches of our conference, can afford to carry the cost of a full time elder. That’s why more and more local licensed pastors, part time retired pastors, and lay leaders with the ability to transfer into licensed local pastor status are growing and elders in leadership of small churches are declining. I responded to God’s call and created the position for which God had equipped me. If all of these ordained elders making decisions about my worthiness for ministry had to go out and start their own churches, build their own membership and serve without guaranteed income, would they do it? Make no mistake, some decisions are not God’s will. They are political, personal, and financially and social-agenda driven.
Here’s a dirty little secret, too, that the insiders know but the average Methodist doesn’t. The reason The UMC, its Judicial Council, and even the General Conference can’t do anything about disciplining the defiant way in which some of its Jurisdictions are operating against the Discipline and stated authority of Scripture is because of the way the rules were changed decades ago to allow the Southeast Jurisdiction to avoid having to ordain a black Bishop. When you operate discriminatorily to protect your own sacred cows, you throw out the standard and nothing is sacred anymore.
“It’s not a dead end if God took you there for a purpose.” Character in movie “Unconditional”