Self awareness…..

Once again a month has passed since I’ve posted here. But this time, I haven’t wanted to post. I’ve had some things going on in my life which have had me preoccupied and……I’ll just say it, angry. I’ve been working out the anger, venting the adrenaline of it through long days and extra effort. Finally, after four or five weeks of it, I seem to have gotten most of it out.

This weekend I participated in a retreat that, once again, has helped me confront the fact that I was acting too much out of my emotions instead of acting out of what I believe. And, although that is the case, it has not been as much the case as would have been the case in years past.

Am I improving in my ability to slough off the things that incense me and drive me to distraction? Maybe by the barest measure. No, I think by a somewhat significant measure, I have improved. This time the consequences of it all were quite a bit less drastic than at atimes in the past. But it is by no strength of my own, I’m sure. Rather, I would have to say it is by the power of Jesus. Still, the distance that remains for me to go is significant, as well.

At least now in my life I can see the reality of such situations more clearly and, even when I can’t seem to avoid reacting badly, I am at least aware that I am reacting badly. Self awareness. Funny word. That is precisely what it is- awareness that SELF is seeking its own way. As the Bible would say, it’s definitely a “flesh” thing. But that is not what I’ve been called to be- self aware. I’ve been called to be Christ aware. Being aware of SELF is a place of conviction, realizing that I need to subdue self in order to reflect my true character, the character of Christ in me.