The last four and a half years have revealed a profound disability…… any new online digital demand outside my regular routine of comfort-level accounts throws me into a panic attack that lingers in a PTSD response for the rest of the day , including heart and mind short-circuited, rapid pulse and risk of hyperventilating , followed shortly by tears that can last for hours. I’ve always been a somewhat anxious computer user. But as long as Bill was around to answer questions or override a problem, I could carry on.
Without him, because he was admin and owner of so much of our software, domains, etc., it has been a mess when something didn’t get renewed or account billing had to be changed, or I ran into a problem . Our son Billy has had to step in and take over some of the technical aspects of personal and ministry digital demands. I have accounting people who handle Quick Books and tax filings. I have to handle licensures, certifications, and day to day bill paying, etc. Most of the time things rock along okay now.
Annual state form filings always cause me a bit of procrastination and indigestion as I’m never sure if user names and passwords are going to work. But that’s gotten easier.
Mother’s Day presented a new challenge when I was given an emailed online gift card to a local eatery. It didn’t arrive at the day and time indicated, which caused me to question my email service. So I went there today and found it had not even been sent. I asked for a card or certificate instead, which they said they couldn’t do. So I cancelled it and had them refund the sender, a family member. I didn’t feel confident I could keep up with and utilize an online gift card. I went into a mild state of panic just thinking about it in the store and once the refund was processed, I have cried for hours, not because of losing the gift card, but because of the trauma of having to consider managing a $75 online gift card. My impulse in that moment was to just tell them to give me $75 worth of food and use it up, which would have been foolish and wasteful!
It seems so foolish but this is what problematic, out- of -my -usual -operating mode digital financial or legal transactions do to me now. And I don’t see it getting better. Since such things cannot be avoided in the world in which we live, I have to acknowledge my disability and begin learning how to compensate for it and access resources to deal with it! ✅😊
(I have asked my children and grandchildren to please not send me e-gift cards!)
CBByrd (5/12:25)