Feeling shame, in and of itself, is not bad. In fact, as Dr. Sally Satel notes in this brief excerpt from a longer interview, shame is a good indicator of an active conscience. What we do with our feelings of shame divides victims from overcomers. Victims allow their shame to morph into additional feelings of condemnation and try to hide it from themselves and others to avoid dealing with it. They run away from it or cover it up….oftentimes with substance abuse or other self-destructive behaviors. Overcomers acknowledge the behavior or beliefs that led to feelings of shame, take those things to the Lord and to godly people who will help them work through them and find resolution for them so that shame is eliminated. Godly sorrow, the source of which is our sin, when addressed by the convicting work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, leads to repentance, healing, and restoration. Ungodly sorrow, the source of which is also our sin, leads to feelings of self-condemnation, humiliation, rejection, and avoidance. When we feel ashamed, we have a choice on how to respond…follow the route of the Holy Spirit’s directive or follow our own prideful attempt to hide from it.
“…..when I have patients say that to me that they were ashamed, I think that’s healthy. I say, “Well, thank God!” Your sense of right and wrong is still working. It doesn’t mean that any clinician should ever make a person feel worse, or scold them in any way, or make them feel ashamed. People feel bad enough.
But the fact that they do is not something I try and say, “Oh don’t feel bad!” No, that’s healthy! And so what are we going to do to get the trust back, with your family and your kids and this kind of thing. But you’re also right that it can be a spur to continue to use.
And that’s where it is not constructive.
…..something that kind of boggles the minds of our Participants … is this whole idea that what we have inside of us, our emotions and everything, are trying to teach us and they’re trying to show us something. And so I like this idea that the shame is trying to bring you to your own attention.”
Dr.Sally Satel interview.