Meme seen: “You attract people when you have a healing spirit. Be careful with that. Because darkness is drawn to your light…… #everybodydontwanthealing.”
That’ll come to light soon enough. It took a while for me to figure it out, though.
This does explain a whole lot about some things in my life that seemed inexplicable before and why I went through some things I did. I am so glad that God eventually opened my eyes and made me comfortable with letting people go and okay with suffering…. I had to be okay with my own suffering first. Then I could be okay with that of others without losing the capacity for empathy in order to be used to bring healing to those God would bring to me. I understand some things about Mother Theresa’s life among the broken and poor and her sense of God’s silence in her life for long periods of time better than I once did. Mind you, I’m not suggesting I am, in any way, comparable to her, just that I understand suffering enough to be able to relate to her choice to giving her life over to those who suffer. I am, by no means, however, as selfless and humble to actually do so. I simply can understand it.
A.W. Tozer said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply. God actually rises up storms of conflict in relationships at times in order to accomplish that deeper work in our character. We cannot love our enemies in our own strength. This is graduate-level grace. Are you willing to enter this school? Are you willing to take the test? If you pass, you can expect to be elevated to a new level in the Kingdom. For He brings us through these tests as preparation for greater use in the Kingdom. You must pass the test first.”
I don’t blame God for my hurts. I know I chose some wrong paths at key forks in the road and there were consequences for my choices. God simply used my choices and their consequences and refined my life to give it a purpose more finely tuned than it might otherwise have been. Life’s journey is a joint venture. He allowed me choices all along the way, then when they turned out badly, he redeemed them….. Perhaps my life has not reflected his intended will, but certainly it is a reflection of his redemptive will….. and in the end, still perfectly in sync with his plan, due to the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Bill’s college roommate has said all the years we have known him that “Life is a test.” There are moments I wish I had contemplated that reality more genuinely and studied the TEXT with more passion and desire to be obedient to it sooner in my life. It would have spared me a lot of suffering, I suspect. God knew how he constructed this fiercely independent spirit and advocate for underdogs and maybe this was his plan all along. Whether he simply released me from his protective care and let me run loose, jumping the fence and testing boundaries like our escape artist beagle, Daisy, or whether I was sent on an undercover mission to learn the tactics of the Enemy to rescue others like me, I don’t know. But that latter option is a nagging suspicion that has been in my mind for several decades based on several conversations God and I have had in prayer through the years…….
Suffering was not God’s design. It was the result of rebellion, first by Lucifer, then by humankind – both created beings. But God has certainly turned it, transformed it, redeemed it, like swordw into a plowshares, into a Master’s wheel for creating vessels he can use for whatever purpose he desires and a firepot for refining precious metals until they are entirely pure and reflect only his image……He has tilled this field, my soul, with it and has brought forth a harvest and, I trust and hope there are seasons yet to come…..